In my last post, Harnessing
Time with a Little Help from My Friend, I describe all the benefits I get from
checking in with a buddy every day.
Now I going to mention a few things you might want to be aware of as you go about the
check-in process. My check-in partner and I have wandered into some of these
areas from time to time, and you can learn from our experience. If you and your partner set a few ground
rules when you first start out you can avoid these potential pitfalls and find
what works best for you.
It’s probably best to avoid both being too rigid
and too loose about when you do your daily check-ins. If you pick a fixed time to check in every
day, it increases the probability that one of you won’t be able to do it during
that time, and so on that day you won’t do it at all. My partner and I generally
check in in the morning – I often call her when I’m eating breakfast. But we like not having a set time when we call
each other, because both of our schedules change from day to day.
One little
challenge that can come up with the daily check-ins is in the talking
itself. You and your friend may end up
chatting so much the check-in itself ends up taking too much time, or one of
you may want to chat more than the other.
You may find yourself chatting as a way to put off doing the rest of the
stuff that’s on your plan, or your friend may want to talk about whatever
problems she’s got going on and you may feel like you’ll hurt her feelings if
you don’t listen and respond for as long as she wants to talk. In general, it’s best to keep on task during
the check-in and if there’s something else one or both of you wants to talk
about to do that during a phone date later.
Otherwise, the check-in itself can start to feel like a burden, and you
definitely don’t want that. My friend
and I usually spend ten minutes checking in at most and often less.
Another good rule
of thumb you and your partner might want to agree on is to avoid giving each
other advice or any kind of negative feedback about each other’s plans. This is probably the most important ground
rule you can have. It can be tempting to
make a suggestion or offer advice when it’s obvious to you that your partner’s
plans are undoable or when you can see some other problem with the way she’s
doing things, but in order for the daily check-ins to work – for your partner
to feel safe and comfortable telling you what she needs to tell you and for you
to feel the same way with her – you should both keep what you say strictly
neutral and positive. This is a good
moment to practice your listening skills. You may also feel the urge to help or
care-take your friend if she’s having problems, but I’d avoid that too. Otherwise the check-in time can start feeling
messy, time-consuming and entangling in a way that isn’t helpful for either one
of you. It’s probably best just to do a
straightforward check-in, laugh at each others failures and celebrate each
other’s successes from the day before – the small but huge daily successes of
getting done what you planned to do or most of it – and then hang up and get on
with the rest of your day.
Whatever it takes
to make the daily check-ins work for you and your friend, it’ll be worth
it. Once you start checking in with a
friend on a daily basis, you’ll never want to stop – believe me. My friend and I have been checking in every
day, five days a week (we generally don’t do it on the weekends) for about four
years, and the longer we’ve been doing it the more we’ve come to rely on it.
Checking in has helped us both stay on track and get an incredible amount
accomplished during very busy lives.
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